My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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