There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
