so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
