you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
