Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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