apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
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