He is such a slut. More and more my type.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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