I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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