I smell stomach acid.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
