did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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