There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
