he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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