Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
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