it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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