My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
