the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
