He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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