We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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