when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
