They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus