Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
two words: eviction party
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.