gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not