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all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Randomize
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