I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.