Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
How external is "for external use only"?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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