Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
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You kept trying to hail an ambulance
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
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Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.