I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?