I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
worst night to have a conscience
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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