So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
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His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
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We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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