woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
