So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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