I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
