Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
