Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
