I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
dude. I can hear the air.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
