three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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