boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
