can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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