Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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