totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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