weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
