she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
