im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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