I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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