i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
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How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
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My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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