i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize