He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
