I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
