Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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