becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
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I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
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On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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