i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
