U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
