Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
