I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
