The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
