well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
