i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
