Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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