oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
