Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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