hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
