halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
