I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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