Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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