what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize