Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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