This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
