the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
