I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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