The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
