watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
