Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
